“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" -Matthew 6:25-27.
God has been faithful. God has been more than faithful. My son was born in January 2011 and after maternity leave I worked one month at the school where I taught to help tie up loose ends and administer the FCAT. I resigned in April 2011. On paper, it never looked like it would work for me to stay home. We were always $200-$800 short a month. However, we always had money in the bank, a roof over our heads, and food in our bellies. There is no way to explain it but GOD.
This past spring things got tight, really tight with finances. My husband talked about whether I should go back to work to help bring in some extra income. My desire was to be at home with my children and help provide opportunities to help John with therapy during this crucial time. However, I wanted to help with finances. I began searching for work. I went to four interviews over the summer and the door shut at every opportunity that arose. I finally decided to pursue substitute teaching. It seemed like a great opportunity to work part-time and chose my hours. The day after I made my appointment with the subbing company I received an email from a school asking if I could come interview for a full-time position the following day. I went to the sub company on a Tuesday and filled out the paperwork. The following day I went to the school for the interview and they offered me the job on the spot. It would be a great opportunity to work at a great school I used to teach at. In the moment it felt exciting but I got into the car and cried, and cried until I made it to the daycare.
I prayed "Lord, if this what you want me to do, please let everything fall into place." I walked in and they said " I'm sorry, we are all full." By the way, there aren't a lot of options for daycare around where we live, as most would call it the boonies where we are. I cried again most the way home. I called my pastor's wife and asked for advice. We talked about the crucial growth time this is for John and how the therapies have helped him grow. We also talked about talking to my husband about what he would want and making a decision that was best for our family. We didn't want to have the financial gain if it meant our marriage would suffer, John would regress, and I would have added stress. I talked to John's teacher when I picked him up and talked to her about daycare situations because John would have to be picked up and dropped off by a bus from daycare. She talked to me about how daycare may or may not be trained to deal with children with disabilities. This was a big factor that weighed on me. If John couldn't communicate what he wanted or got upset and had one of his "moments" he could end up hurting someone or himself as they may not be trained how to deal with children with autism and know how to help him calm down.
I didn't know what to do. Work to help or be available to help my son. This was a hard decision to make and it took my husband and I HOURS to decide. I couldn't sleep all night thinking of what to do but at 4am I woke him up saying I didn't think I could do it. So I turned the job down. You probably think I'm crazy but I have a small window to help my son and I don't want to look back and say "hey, things were comfortable but I really wish I invested more time into my kids during that period." I don't know what will happen but I know the Lord will take care of my family. Things may be hard, REALLY HARD, but I would rather invest that time into my kids, the therapy into John than have two pennies to rub together.
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